(Part II) Weight – Marriage is designed to be a great partnership. It is designed to be an example of how the Holy Trinity operates and loves. So, why does it not always feel that way? 🙂
I don’t know about you, but there are times when I feel alone, even in the presence of my great partner. I love him, but our relationship goes through seasons. It’s like Tamar Braxton says in Love and War ,”Somebody said everyday was gone be sunny skies – Only Marvin Gaye and lingerie -I guess somebody lied…But if I got to cry to get to the other side, let’s go cause we’re gonna survive!” That’s real. When my husband and I look back at when we got married four years ago, we almost chuckle to ourselves. What did we know about love and sacrifice? What did we know about making each other happy? What did we know about what it would really take to keep our marriage happy and healthy? Boy O Boy! 🙂
As crazy as it seems, you do have to stay on the front lines. That doesn’t mean you and your spouse fighting each other, it means you and your spouse fighting TOGETHER. It means facing the many obstacles that will come against your marriage. These obstacles come in many forms – obsession with work, porn addiction, selfishness or passivity in your sex life, nit picking and nagging, extended family interference, inattention to your spouses love language, financial strain, fertility issues, and the list goes on. You really don’t know what’s going to come at you. While I believe premarital counseling is valuable in rooting out initial problems and discussing possible future problems, you cannot stop there. Discussing a future problem and actually working through it are two different things. Besides, there is no way you can discuss and prepare for every obstacle that you will face in the future. Plus, people change and grow; children add a different dynamic to your marriage, moving to a new city (closer to or further from family) also effects your perspective.
***Geez Jocelynn, that sounds promising. LOL I know. I know. But I have to lay out the real before the REAL. Be patient with me, please. ***
As husband and wife, you should have a vision, a plan for your marriage and your family. The Bible says in Proverbs 29:18 “Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, he is happy.”
So where do you start with your vision? The latter part of this verse answers that question nicely. You start with the law. What does the Bible say about marriage? What are the roles and responsibilities that you have as a husband? as a wife? Next, look at what the Bible says about parenting. What type of children do you want to raise? The answers are found in the Word.
Once you have examined the foundational principles it is time to seek God. Search your hearts as individuals and as a couple. What are your desires? What do you desire for your spouse and your children? Now see what God has to say concerning your purpose as a married couple, parents, and family. God has anointed each union to glorify Him.
Now that you have petitioned God, be patient, be prayer, be praise filled as you wait for His answer. When you receive the answer, write it down. In Habakkuk 2, the prophet is complaining and petitioning God. Before God replies to his complaints He says, “Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that a herald may run with it. For the revelation awaits an appointed time: It speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it: it will certainly come and not delay.” Write down what God reveals about your purpose as husband and wife, as the __________ family. Writing it down ensures that it can be easily referenced if any or all parts are forgotten. Writing it down allows all members of the family, all persons covered by the vision, to see it clearly.
This vision is sometimes the only thing that can refocus your marriage. When you get in the muck of the work to reach the vision, you have to come back to it, meditate on it. Sometimes you will argue. Sometimes you will cry. Sometimes you will need formal couples counseling. Don’t be scared or ashamed of the process. God has so much more in store for your marriage. The Devil would like nothing better than to see your family and your vision broken. By working through the challenges, by staying on the front lines, you will gain new perspective that will allow other couples to relate to you. By working through the challenges, you build your faith, you upgrade your armor. God is able to use you to bless and assist other couples as they tow the line.
Believe me. Jon and I are towing a line write now. 🙂 More to come.