Marriage, Personally Striving, Prayer, Proverbs Challenge

Sleeping With My Anger

After an unresolved argument with my husband, I stomped up the stairs and picked up my journal and Bible.  First, I wrote in my journal:
The Word says that you shouldn’t go to sleep mad.  Well, Lord I’m mad.  I wanted to resolve the issue at hand, but Jonathon says he needs time to think.  He doesn’t want to say things he’ll regret.  That’s all well and good, but now I’m going to bed upset!  How is that fair?  

“Okay, I need to go ahead and read my chapter from Proverbs,” I told myself.  “Lord, I need a word right now.”  I normally look up scripture on my phone and jot down notes electronically, but today I pulled out the old paper and binding.

Hahaha!  Now, because God is who He is, and because I do believe He enjoys helping me to become a better woman and wife in Him, I’m sure He chuckled and said, “Oh, Jocelynn.  My precious child.” while watching the Holy Spirit direct me to a page in the Bible.  I kind of thumbed through it until I saw Proverbs at the top of the page.  I opened up the Bible to see a devotional entitled, “Let’s Stop Bickering”.  Does it get any plainer.  Actually, yes.  As I read through to the bottom of the devotional, I started to question my motives.  I told myself that I went downstairs to talk to Jonathon because we had not really talked all day, but is that really why I went down there?  I felt the tension between us.  If I was truly just trying to talk, why had I come at him with just a hint of hostility in my tone, arms folded, face set to a frown?  The end of the devotional states,

“Proverbs 17:19 says, ‘Whoever loves a quarrel loves sin.’  Proverbs 19:13 warns, ‘A quarrelsome wife is like the constant dripping of a leaky roof.’  And Proverbs 17:14 states, ‘Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam.’  Constant arguing unleashes a flood of trouble, beginning with spouting words that you may regret.  ‘Proverbs 21:9 says it’s ‘Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.'”      -Nancy Kennedy

Tap, tap, tap on the door of conviction in my heart.  “Excuse me, Holy Spirit.  Are you saying I am a quarrelsome wife?  Oh, no.  Not me.  What?!”  I really had to take pause.  My mind stopped working.  I was shocked, but reading this did make me question my motives for going to “talk” to Jonathon.  Was I starting a quarrel?  Hmmmn…probably yes.  LOL

Although I did still go to bed upset, well … maybe I was more salty at the revelation, I had a new perspective.  I learned that while you shouldn’t go to bed angry, you also need to be smart.  I have known Jonathon for 5 years.  He has always been the thinker.  He always needs time to process, everything.  So, why would I go downstairs to “talk” at 10:30 pm?  Clearly I was not using wisdom.  I also was not being respectful of his needs.  Yes, I was upset, but it would have been better to pray and ask God to work on my heart through the night, give me the right words to say, remove my attitude and replace it with true concern and a desire to resolve the issue, open my ears, girdle my tongue, and give me a heart to receive.  The next day we could have discussed the issue at a reasonable hour, Jonathon would have had time to think over the issues and gather his thoughts, allowing us to resolve the issue well before bedtime.

I am so thankful that God loves me enough to work on my heart.  I thank Him for the Proverbs reading challenge.  It is amazing how God works to reveal things in your life, your heart.  His plans are so much greater than ours.  I love it.  I am being blessed, blessed, blessed by this experience.  The lessons I am learning are invaluable.  I am so thankful.  Bursting with love.

Always Striving,

Joce

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