This morning I watched a video testimony by Joanna Gaines, from HGTV’s Fixer Upper. It is a beautiful reminder to trust God. To wait on His promises.
Somewhere in the muck of life, the everyday, we sometimes lose sight of who we are. Who God has called us to be. We get discouraged. Over the last couple of years I have slowly started to slip away from the confident in Christ person I had been. Finally, two weeks ago I woke up, looked in the mirror, and could not recognize myself.
“Who are you?” I asked myself. “What do you stand for? What is your purpose? Are you waking up everyday walking out the purpose God has placed on your life?”
The answer was a disheartening “I don’t know and no.”
I have been conflicted for a time. I love, love, love the opportunity to stay at home with my children. I love watching them grow and develop. I love being able to teach them new things, provide new learning experiences. However, being a stay at home mom is not all roses and tea cakes. There are tough, tough days. Long days of endless 1 yr old babble and 3 yr old rantings. Some days I swear I see 5 or 10 brain cells falling out of my left ear. LOL I love my kids, I do, but with every celebration there is a challenge.
So, my conflict is losing who I thought I was or was supposed to be. Most days there are few minutes spent alone. (Even now, my 3 yr old is rambling on about who knows what next to me.) There is no me time. I’ve been asking God how on Earth I’m supposed to cultivate the passions He has placed in me if I never have time to think. Raising children is just one of the callings on my life. Before kids I had a career. I very much enjoyed my career. I miss my career.
Lately, I have felt a great pressing on my heart to start thinking about some other passions that God has given me. I’m super excited, but anxious. It’s one of those hurry up and take your time situations.
Joanna Gaines testimony reminded me that God’s got me. He is the author and the finisher. If He has said it will be, it will be. And, as I tell my son every single day, “Patience is a virtue.” I have to worship while I’m waiting. I need to love while I’m waiting. I need to smile while I’m waiting. I need to live while I’m waiting. I need to pray while I’m waiting. I need to enjoy and appreciate my current purpose, while I’m waiting on other promises.
I thank God for the reminders. I thank God for His perfect timing.
So, Jocelynn, who are you? Well, I can not say that at this moment I have completely come out of my feelings, zippity do da. What I will say is that God is checking my heart. He is getting me right. He has placed glasses on my face with God vision. He is reminding me that I have to die daily to self to live out His purposes.
He is patient, loving, and kind. I am excited to see, with new eyes, the purposes of today.