We’ve made it to day nine of this sugar fast. Nine days is not a lot, but I WILL celebrate this victory! Lol Nine days WOOT WOOT! Nine days WOOT WOOT!
I hope God has been blessing this time for you. And by bless I don’t mean no struggles, no cravings, no moments of longing looks at your child’s birthday cake. (Oops lol See, I’m telling on myself.)
By blessed I mean, I hope you’re getting some revelation. I hope you’re experiencing break through. I hope you can see more clearly, the next steps on the path of life.
I was talking with one of my sisters a few days ago about how this was the first food fast I have done in a long time. I’m finding this way more challenging than I expected. It has called to the forefront a few revelations. Well, some questions really.
Jocelynn, how are you filling the nooks and crannies of your life? The nooks and crannies in your personality? In your behavior? In your marriage? In your parenting? In your relationships? In your personal and professional endeavors?
The nooks and crannies. The spaces of disappointment, frustration, sudden change, unexpected results, hurt, pain, delay.
If I’m being honest, I didn’t even need to pray on this one much. LOLOLOL Now, I’m sure God is going to continue to dig out and dust off nuggets needing change, but there is one that didn’t need to be dug up.
How do I fill the nooks and crannies of my life? Well, although I know this will be so widly difficult for you to imagine, I have a pretty fiery temper accompanied by a sharp tongue.
(**PAUSE while I swallow my pride.**)
So, of course I’m not always angry, but the times that I am have a huge impact on the people around me, the decisions I make, and the atmosphere around me. It’s not that I am not aware of this. It’s not like accountability partners have not brought this to my attention. What I believe, and feel free to disagree, is that God was planting seeds. God was preparing my heart for the major revelation and change that would need to come. Now that this issue has been brought to the forefront, it is my choice to really deal with it. I can make excuses:
“This is who I am. Deal with it!”
“I’ve been this way for 34 years and gotten along just fine.”
“If you love me, you’ll love all of me.”
Or, I can acknowledge the unhealthy affect my anger is having on not only my life, but the lives of people around me. James 1:20 says, “Human anger does not achieve God’s righteous purpose.” What purpose does God have for my life? How does He want to use me to impact the next person I see, be it a stranger or my husband?
The choice is mine. God loves me, but He will NOT make the choice for me. He will help me when I decide.
So, alright God, what does this look like? How can I possibly never feel anger? That just seems ridiculous. And, it is. God does not want me not to feel, he wants me to control my feelings, not let them control me. The difference is in how I respond when I am in a situation that causes anger to rise up in me. Am I going to inauthentically ignore it? Paste a smile on my face? Or am I going to breathe, take it to God and seek peace over pissed?
Listen, friends. I have had some hard truths placed in my face about my anger. Choices. Do I choose anger over a loving, healthy relationship with my kids? Do I choose anger over my husband and our marriage? Do I choose anger over my health? Over peace?
I have decided no. I choose to walk out this decision every day. I will need help. I will need to ask for help.
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” ~Matthew 7:7
What revelations have you had so far? Any nook and cranny fillers?