Can you believe we’ve been on this sugar fast journey for 22 days?! I am in complete awe of how God has sustained me because I know this has NOT been done in my own strength.
The things that are most awe-inspiring are the revelations that God continues to present. These revelations are not easy to swallow, and I have not found resolution or reached perfection in dealing with them. What is perfectly clear to me is that I am NOT alone. I do not have to do this alone. I know you’re probably thinking, “Duh, Jocelynn. God is always with us.” And, you’re right, but I cannot sit here typing and tell you that I always feel that way. I create distance. I am stubborn. I want things my way and in my time. So, the constant revelation that He is ever-present is important.
The main revelation I discussed last time was my anger. It is amazing how anger can really run over into so many aspects of life. While God has continued to reveal scripture to me regarding anger, He has also allowed another little seed to burst through the surface.
A sister/friend recently advised that I look at each of my children and identify the parts of their personality that are similar to mine. Then, I should pick out the parts that I have struggled with, parts that have made relationships, success, or self-confidence a struggle. She advised me to pray about these areas. She said I should ask God to help me heal and deal so that I can help my children navigate these areas. Of course they won’t be exempt from any pitfalls, but it may help them struggle less if they have had guidance.
During this fast God has started to reveal some of these areas to me. Jesus take the wheel! It is never easy to look at my reflection and be critical. Ugh! But, today, right now, it is necessary.
So, in addition to the anger that I see well up in my littles, I also see emotional breakdowns, and with one of my children in particular, a heart seeking approval, and in another a heart seeking affirmation of self-worth. As much as I hate to admit this, I really struggle with seeking approval and affirmation. Over the years it has manifested itself in different ways. Because I don’t engage in some of the risky behaviors of my younger days, I feel like I’m good. I have justified not looking to God for definition of my character.
Looking in the mirror today and over the last week I am seeing that it doesn’t matter if my approval comes from sexual conquests or the desperate questioning of my spouse about my looks, the social media checking for likes, or the hope that a stranger will offer up a compliment as I walk through the mall. ILL!!! Yuck! Even writing this I am amazed at myself. God, break me! God, heal me! God, restore me!
I feel like David in Psalm 51.
I will never be perfect in these area because I’m not Jesus, but I can be better with the help of Jesus. As things are revealed, I can heal and deal so that I can help my children to heal and deal.
Even if you don’t have children, you are a light unto this world. You are an example of who God is. Acting in ways that are not in line with His character is our nature, but it doesn’t have to be our anchor. Let’s agree to present a broken and contrite heart to God today.
Friends, I am praying for your journey of revelation during this time. I am praying that God continues to pour into you as you fast and seek His face. I pray you remain steadfast. I pray that if you fail, you get back up and try again. I pray you realize that you are not doing this alone. If you have a specific prayer request please send a message via the contact page or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
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Please share your revelations in the comments.